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Five Tips for a Successful Second Marriage | HuffPost Life
If you want your 2nd marriage to be successful, you have to un-learn the bad habits you learned in your first marriage. These tips for remarriages will help with . His advice is to “have the attitude that this is the person you are going to Dr. Tessina, who has been in a happy second marriage for 30 years. With roughly half of first marriages and nearly two thirds of second ones ending in divorce, we could use some advice on making marriage work.
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Sharilee Swaity writes on family and marriage issues on her blog, Second Chance Love. She also written a book on the topic of remarriage. Sometimes second marriages seems impossible but this articles has ten tips for making it more manageable.
With exes, custody and getting over the past, a second marriage can seem so complicated. First, there is the other spouse hanging around, even if it's just in memory, and the knowledge that your husband or wife has already gone down this path with someone else.
Second marriages often have children that are hurting from all the changes, as well as legal and financial complications. This is the book I wrote to help people in second marriages.
It is full of interactive exercises and reflection questions to help you apply the lessons of the book. This applies to both of you. You have to let go of what happened in your first marriage or previous relationships. And you have to let go of worrying about what happened in your spouse's marriage. Sometimes it might mean talking about it. Maybe to your spouse, maybe just to a friend.
But don't talk about it, with the intent of just re-hashing and complaining. Talk about it, with the intention of letting it go. You might want to write about it, in a journal, or in poetry. This is an excellent way to work through your feelings, and no one has to see it.
If you're worried about snoopy eyes, burn it. One thing that i used to do was write on the computer, but put a password on the document, so I was confident
2nd marriage advice no one would 2nd marriage advice able to read it.
One of the biggest keys to letting go is forgiveness. Forgive your ex's spouse. It is in the past, and any bitterness you still have will poison you in the present. Forgiveness doesn't mean that you approve, simply that you refuse to be controlled by it anymore. Put your spouse before anyone else in your life, before any other people, including the children. If you are a believer, put God first, and your spouse second.
Some people may have trouble with this advice, thinking that it's not right to put the second wife or husband before the children, but it is the best way to achieve long-term stability for both the marriage and the children. When they see the marriage working, they can rest easy knowing they don't have to go through another divorce and upset of their world. They've already had enough of that!
How do you put your partner first? By always asking them about plans that concern one of you. By making sure that you have time for them within your week. By not allowing anyone including your children to disrespect them, and by generally giving them priority in your life. What does putting your spouse first do for the relationship?
It honours the fact that this person has chosen you above all the other human beings on the earth, to spend their time with. And it gives them the security to keep going in a difficult relationship. Putting anyone else before your spouse, whether it be children, ex-spouses, in-laws, or friends, sends the message that they are not important, and will always be "second.
Putting a spouse first does not mean putting children last. The children's needs are of utmost important, and everyone's needs within a family need to be considered. But children should not be allowed to use the second marriage to demand things that are not appropriate for them as children, just because their natural parent feels guilty.
An excellent rule-of-thumb is to give children as much leeway as you would in a first marriage. Don't try to compensate because you feel guilty for the divorce.
Remember that it won't be perfect overnight. Statistics say that it takes seven years for a to adjust fully. So, don't expect it to all be blissful in month, or even in a year. There are a multitude of issues to work out with any new marriage: Second marriages also add ex-spouses, custody issues and hurt from a breakup to the mix. These things take time, and that's okay! It's not going to happen all at once, but be happy if you're learning.
Be patient with yourself and your spouse. You need to meet each others needs, as much as you can. This isn't always easy, and not always possible, with all the commitments you probably are involved with kids, work, housework, family and anything else, but it needs to be a 2nd marriage advice. What are his or her needs?
You need to be able to figure that out, and make an effort at meeting those needs a good percentage of the time. There is some literature out there on this topic, if you want to study this in-depth.
The book, "His Needs, Her Needs" is excellent at explaining these needs, and why it is important to meet them. Or you can simply ask him: What do you 2nd marriage advice me to do for you? Men tend to need respect and 2nd marriage advice. Women tend to need love and affection. Other needs will vary according to each individual, but the important thing is to take the time to 2nd marriage advice those needs, and to not take your spouse for granted.
We are called on this earth to meet our spouse's needs and no one else can do that! With kids and stepkids and trying to adjust to a new life, it's often hard to find time to just talk and spend time together, but you need to. My husband works shift work, and when I was teaching, it was very hard to find time together.
Now, we just find it here and there. Sometimes, it's an hour of coffee talk in the morning. Other times, it's a few minutes right
2nd marriage advice we go to sleep.
Ideally, couples should go out on a date once a week, but sometimes you
2nd marriage advice cannot do it. So, grab a few minutes together, during these busy times. This will help to strengthen your second marriage, and help you to stay together.
This ain't no Brady 2nd marriage advice, and this ain't no fairytale. This was something I had to come to terms with, as a perpetual idealist.
Being in a second marriage i s not the ideal. It will never ill be. As little girls, none of us go to sleep dreaming about being someone's second wife. No, it's always us falling in love with a wonderful man, getting married, and having kids. A second wife, someone else's kids, and a divorce settlement were never in our dreams.
This is not meant to be depressing, but real. It is not ideal, and okay. It's reality, and it can be good, as long we let go of that other ideal that we had. Sometimes dreams can be bondages, if they stop us from accepting reality. We might have dreamt about something different, but God allowed this. And now we can take the broken pieces and see what can be woven out of it. You may have seen a mosaic art piece.
It is created by putting 2nd marriage advice hundreds of little
2nd marriage advice pieces from what was once whole. Now, if the artist was to keep yearning after the tiles, or vases that were once whole, he could never concentrate on the new mosaic art piece forming in front of him.
So, it is with our lives in second marriages. 2nd marriage advice need to let go of the ideal, and embrace the real. Say "I love you" at least once a day. Preferably a lot more. There's something about saying those words that reminds both of you that you love each other, in spite of the challenges and the complications.
My husband say it to each other, whenever we leave the house, whenever we go to sleep, and many times in between.
I think it has helped our to get stronger because it is a constant reinforcement of our commitment to each other. It helps even when we have a tiff, and don't want to say it. It helps 2nd marriage advice us back to the love we have for each other. Having something you can do together makes it easier to be a couple.
For the first year and a half, my husband didn't care the cats. He was finally won over, and now the cats are something that we love together, that we talk about together. You need to have things in your life that you share besides grocery shopping, bills and the bedroom.
Maybe it might be a project that you take on together in the community, or a game that you play on the computer.
- With roughly half of first marriages and nearly two thirds of second ones ending in divorce, we could use some advice on making marriage work. Sometimes second marriages seems impossible but this articles has ten tips for making it more manageable. With exes, custody and getting.
- His advice is to “have the attitude that this is the person you are going to Dr. Tessina, who has been in a happy second marriage for 30 years. Respect, acceptance, positive communication, and having a good sense of humor can go a long way in making sure your second marriage.
- This means that people who get married a second time are required to be more devoted, more interactive, more committed and more mentally and emotionally mature than they were at the time of their first marriage.
Am I eligable for treatment with a Determologist? [pics]If you want your 2nd marriage to be successful, you have to un-learn the bad habits you learned in your first marriage. These tips for remarriages will help with . Respect, acceptance, positive communication, and having a good sense of humor can go a long way in making sure your second marriage..
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Sharilee Swaity writes on family and marriage issues on her blog, Second Chance Love. She also written a book on the topic of remarriage. Sometimes second marriages seems impossible but this articles has ten tips for making it more manageable. With exes, custody and getting over the past, a second marriage can seem so complicated.
First, there is the other spouse hanging around, even if it's just in memory, and the knowledge that your husband or wife has already gone down this path with someone else. Second marriages often have children that are hurting from all the changes, as well as legal and financial complications.
This is the book I wrote to help people in second marriages. It is full of interactive exercises and reflection questions to help you apply the lessons of the book.
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